


i've lost my fear of falling, i will be with you

by starglide



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 18:37:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2358104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starglide/pseuds/starglide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><br/>This is his dream. This is his future. It’s been here his whole life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i've lost my fear of falling, i will be with you

**Author's Note:**

> we made it, kids.

Haru breathes heavily, like he’s just run a marathon, but he hasn’t. He’s just yelled at Makoto. But Makoto’s only _staring_ at him, and for once, Haru doesn’t know what he’s thinking.

It completely unsettles him.

“Well, say something,” he says tensely.

Makoto lets go of his wrist. Haru stares at it numbly.

“I have decided,” he finally says, his voice threatening to break. “I’m…going to a university in Tokyo.”

Haru distantly hears the boom of a firework in the background. He feels paralyzed, rooted to the spot. _What?_

Makoto stumbles on.  “I meant to tell you sooner, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it.”

Haru feels like he’s been punched in the stomach. They stand in silence for a moment, not looking at each other.

“I –”

“Do whatever you want!” Haru shouts, turning heel and running as fast as he can.

He hears Makoto cry out his name, but he doesn’t stop. He runs and he runs until his chest aches, and then he runs some more. He doesn’t stop until he gets home. As soon as he closes the door behind him, he sinks to the floor, trembling.

Makoto’s leaving. He’s going to Tokyo. Tokyo, which is seven hours away by train.

Haru gets up, walking to his room mechanically.

He can’t remember meeting Makoto; he’s just always been there. He’s been the one constant in his life when Rin left, when his parents left, when his grandmother passed. Makoto was always there, reaching out a hand. And now – 

Haru changes into his sleep clothes, movements stiff and automatic, and crawls under the blankets.

Makoto’s going to leave him behind.

Everyone has a dream, a future, but him. Even Makoto, who Haru had foolishly thought would follow him wherever he went. Because that’s how it’s always been. But things change, the world keeps turning, and the universe doesn’t care that Haru’s standing still.

 

*

 

Rin’s quiet after he talks about their race that night, but Haru can tell he’s still awake. He debates with himself about speaking up for a few minutes, but then decides he might as well. If Rin can be as open with him as he’s been all day, then Haru can do the same.

“Rin.”

“Hmm?”

Haru’s fingers twist in the bedsheets. “I yelled at Makoto. I told him to stop sticking his nose in my business.”

Rin waits patiently for him to continue.

“…I didn’t mean it. But he’s going to Tokyo now. And I – I don’t want him to stop sticking his nose in my business. I don’t want him to leave.”

“Did you tell him that?” Rin says seriously.

Haru doesn’t reply.

Rin sighs. “Of course you didn’t. Well, how is he supposed to know, then? I know that you two have got this mind-meld thing going on, but clearly it’s not working right now if you fought like that.”

“I never even considered that we might separate. It never occurred to me,” says Haru quietly.

Rin sighs again and turns over to face him. Haru doesn’t; he’s not sure he can meet his eyes right now. “Listen, Haru. I know you like to brush things off. And I think you don’t like to look too closely at how you feel. But I want you to really, really think about this.”

“…Okay.”

“Are you in love with him?”

Haru’s mind goes abruptly, terrifyingly blank. He must be silent for a long time, because he’s startled when Rin speaks again.

“You don’t have to answer right now. Hell, you don’t have to answer to me. Just. Think it over, all right?”

Haru nods imperceptibly, a lump in his throat. He’s not sure if Rin can even see him in the dark.

“Good night, Haru.”

 

*

 

Haru feels like he’s floating on air after their relay. They come in sixth overall, but no one can bring themselves to care. They go out to eat with Samezuka afterwards, celebrating and congratulating each other. They don’t feel as much like separate teams here at Nationals; they’re both from Iwatobi. Rin laughs raucously all through dinner to hide the fact that he keeps tearing up, but fails miserably when Yamazaki teases him about it. One of Rin’s teammates, the orange-haired kid, hangs all over Gou,, but she seems to be in good spirits, because she doesn’t shove him off. Nagisa harasses Nitori all evening, calling him Ai-chan and trying to steal food off of his plate. Rei tries to keep him in line, but that goes just about as well as ever.

Makoto just watches everyone, smiling proudly. He looks over at Haru when he thinks he isn’t watching, his smile melting into something gentler, warmer. He’s laughing at something Rin says when it dawns on Haru at last.

This is his dream.

He’s happy to swim professionally, to hopefully compete with Rin again someday, but it’s a means to an end. It’s the only thing he can do, to swim and support himself at the same time. But this – this is his dream. This is his future. It’s been here his whole life.

They’re staying at the hotel for the night before they leave in the morning, and Makoto stretches and yawns after Haru shuts the door.

“What a day! I’m so tired,” Makoto laughs. “How about you?”

Haru nods. He’s exhausted with the effort of wearing his heart on his sleeve, but it’s worth it. He’d gladly be exhausted every night if he got to feel this way during the day.

Makoto sits on the bed, taking off his socks. “Which bed would you prefer? Left or right?”

“Makoto.”

“Yes? _Haru!_ ” he exclaims, as Haru crawls into his lap and straddles him without warning.

Makoto’s cheeks are hot where Haru places his hands over them, his eyes wide. His lips are parted like he wants to say something, but Haru doesn’t let him. He cradles Makoto’s face in his hands and presses his lips to his, eyes fluttering shut. Makoto’s hands flap around like he doesn’t know what to do before they settle tentatively at Haru’s waist.

The kiss is clumsy, too wet; neither of them have a clue what they’re doing, but at the same time, it feels _right_ , like pieces of a puzzle slotting into place. It feels like being welcomed home.

They stay like this for a long time, pressing soft kisses to each other’s lips, breathing against each other’s mouths when they need to part for air, and then meeting again.

Finally, Makoto pulls back, resting his forehead against Haru’s. “Not that I’m complaining, but what was that about?” He says it casually, but Haru sees the quiet fear in his eyes. Like he’s afraid that Haru’s going to say it was just a fluke, an impulse he’d had, and now he’s done.

“I’m coming with you,” Haru says in lieu of an answer.

“Huh?” Makoto looks caught off guard.

“To Tokyo. I’m going to accept a scouting offer in Tokyo,” he affirms, holding Makoto’s gaze steadily. “If they still want me,” he amends. “But even if they don’t, I’m coming with you.”

Makoto blinks. Blinks again, this time with tears threatening to fall. “Just when I’d finally accepted that I couldn’t stay by your side anymore,” he says shakily.

“You _can_ stay by my side. I want you there. Always.”

Makoto laughs tearfully, and Haru knows that he understands, that their so-called mind-melding is securely back in place.

 _I love you too,_ he doesn't say, but Haru hears it nevertheless.


End file.
